AK Survivor Rant

CBS Survivor blog -

Come on in here guys, we are live at the final rant.

The weasel does it - he wins the prize. It’s hard to believe he pulled it off but he did. I think his answer to JR did it. I’m not sure I am buying the fact that he played him on that answer, but it was good I will admit that. His hairstyle on the reunion show was just a modern version of the mullet. Todd is not my favorite player, but he did do a good job. With his big payday today I am sure his flying days are over for the most part. Congratulations to Todd - you gay winner you.

I was hoping the Denise would have a new hairstyle tonight, but it didn’t happen. She managed to pack on a few but that’s about it. I don’t know about you, but the story behind her style was a bit weak for me. Now her sad story did gain her 50 gees - so she has that going for her. I was also disappointed we didn’t have more sparks from the bone rack’s comments about her sucking at life. The show is too politically correct - I wanted action on that one. Can you see that? Courtney and Denise going at it in a wrestling match? I’d pay to see that.

Speaking of Courtney, there is really not much to say about her. I’m not sure if she broke the 100 pound mark or not, but she was close I think. I am still in awe that she made it to the final 3 and I’m not even sure she knows how she did it. I would much rather see a fan of the show go further than some newbie who applied for the show on a whim. I guess I did respect her saying what she was thinking. I can respect that. For a second tonight before the votes were cast, I actually thought she could actually win this thing. That would have been wild and very very wrong so I’m glad it didn’t go down like that.

Amanda looked like a beat puppy after that last vote. Then her and Todd had their little tiff and went to bed mad. The next morning she seemed to snap out of it all of a sudden. I guess she got glad in the same pants she got mad in. The must explain why it didn’t take long as her pants were quite small. We all know they are small because her her butt has been hanging out of them for about 12 weeks now.

Well, the reunion show was the normal fare. Everyone gained weight and the back row got their token 12 seconds of fame. You know you are really a loser when you sit on the back row. That is like the Survivor reject pile. We will never see these people again. The second row we may see from time to time or they may show up on some trivia game down the road. The front row is the A list of the reunion show. If you make the front row you have really made it. This is like the front row at the Oscars. If Denise had to go to the bathroom, Chicken would have been called from backstage to fill her seat until she returned.

I do like the concept of the next show which is a little over a month away. It’s sad in a way. I mean, we will probably see some of the same all-stars we have seen in the past which begs the question - is this all these people have to offer? This is kind of like Randy Quaid agreeing to do some spin-off movie loosing based on his role as Eddie in Christmas Vacation. Sad.

I suppose I will take a small rest from the rant as I do my speaking tour then I will return next season for more fun filled adventures of our favorite show. For the rest of you, I’ve got nothing for you. Head on back.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

Wow - like we didn’t see that coming. I don’t even think the editors tried too hard to make us think it wasn’t Pei-Wei tonight. I was kind of disappointed there was not much drama. They chased us down some rabbit trails, but in the end PG takes the walk of shame. Then in classic Survivor style, we get the typical “I got so much more out of this game than 1 million dollars” blah blah blah. PG wasn’t saying that when she got nixed from the Great Wall trip was she? No, then she was miss whinny butt. Well, now she is at the CBS hotel trying to beat JR to the fresh dessert on the buffet line. See you later Professor - you may know a lot about the game but you’re not in the final 4 now are you.

All I can say about Amanda is wow. She managed to get PG’s vote before kicking her out of the game. Nice move. She didn’t get invited to the party on the wall so what did she do? She made lemonade out of her lemons by securing a vote from the jury. That is a smart move if you are asking me. I know you are asking me or you wouldn’t be reading this.

Did I miss something on the dart game? Was the goal to get your own name so you could go on the trip? If so, then why did Courtney with 12 freaking darts only manage to hit others? Oh yeah - because she is a moron without any skills or abilities. Thanks - I forgot that. What a waste.

Scott’s Boy Todd was in his element on the plane wasn’t he? He was serving drinks and taking food orders and everything. I think for small moment we saw the real Todd. On another note, when writing someone’s name down on the parchment at tribal council, just write a name already. Don’t write the person’s name with bubble letters with artwork next to it. That drives me crazy.

Droppy is trying too hard I think. She just missed her chance to get with the girls and vote off Todd. I think we have at least established she will not eat embryo so if that challenge comes up again she is toast. We can safely say that is not going to happen. I know at least one person on the jury who will never vote for her - sour grapes girl.

Sunday is the final. I am rooting for Amanda. I think she has what it takes. One more rant this season - so tune in for that. Worth playing for?

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

I’m not quite sure why I went with an Elvis reference for Erik. He’s a musician and that’s really all I could think of. I really think Erik could’ve tried harder. He did put up a little effort with Amanda, but too little too late I think. The editors did all they could do to try and convince us it could be someone other than Erik, but in the end - the obvious came true. See you later Erik - you uncontroversial player you. During next season when you’re doing a guest appearance on some late night talk show, I won’t remember you. At least I still have Google to try and figure out who you are.

Can you see it? Can you see the Survivor paranoia start to kick in? Scott’s Boy Todd is getting a bad case of it. I think we saw a sneak peak of his case tonight - and it will really kick in next week. I guess the big question is was the sister miscarriage for real? I tend to think it was - just a gut feel. I see Todd as a good student of the game, but not at Johnny Fairplay levels. For now, I will be naive and say that was a for real deal. Was say you?

OK - so I guess we had the family night this week where everyone cries. This annual Survivor moment was interesting in that the lunch lady is actually a wife and mother? Who knew? I had assumed she had a “special friend” all this time. When her big man popped up out of the bushes, it shattered my image of her lifestyle. There are some members of my family now rooting for her as it showed her soft side. The argument is she could use the money to have some work done. I am not sold yet - I think a haircut is definitely due but at this point I just want her to keep her shirt on and shirts are not expensive. There were some shots this week that were over the top for me. I know she has lost a lot of weight and all, but keep the bikini in the camp closet please.

Did you see when Amanda’s sister came, they had to break out the double butt blur? They had to blur both their butts. It must be something that runs in the family. Their parents must not have taught them the fine art of “pulling it out” inconspicuously. That’s a shame. This of course has nothing to do with the great game Amanda is playing, this is just a benefit of the Rant. Welcome.

PG-13 or whatever her name is, won the idol again. Wow. The game has really changed. Remember Colby? He won like 1 million challenges in a row with his strength. Now you have Pei Wei winning. The game is really different this time. There is no real power player left. I mean, if Denise fell on you it would hurt, but this season is not about brawn.

If I were playing I would keep PG and Courtney the bone rack all the way. Who would vote for them? If Amanda is reading this - get rid of Todd and LL (Lunch Lady) and you will cash the 1 million dollar check. Am I wrong people?

It has crept up on me, but this season is almost over. The final stretch is upon us.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

First, I would like to apologize for being late - it happens - get over it - here we go.

James dug his own grave - or did he make a grave mistake?  I’m sorry - it was too easy.  He had the goods and he didn’t make the play. How likely are you to get 2 idols and then just hold them - not good.  What was he waiting for - a tribal council? I don’t get it - so he has no one to blame but himself.  See you later James, I liked you but didn’t have the brain power it takes. I do have one question - don’t they bury the dead above ground in Louisiana?

Who knew the lunch lady could throw a kick?  I must admit I didn’t see that one coming.  I had her pictured with bowling or maybe even some kind of hunting.  Her Survivor game isn’t bad.  I see they have her pegged as the swing vote coming up next week.  I predict she will become a casualty in the battle for power.  Kind of like the mystery meat they must serve on Friday’s in her lunch room.

Amanda is calling the shots.  Her game really stepped up tonight with her James coup.  The move was brilliant.  The funny thing is, I think James will respect it in the long run.  By the way, what’s up with the blur on her butt?  I know her cheeks must be hanging out, but I’ve seen worse on network TV.  Do you remember that short run game show “Dog Eat Dog” with Brooke Burns?  Yeah, I’ve seen worse.

I like the south paw Erik but he is just too nice for the show.  Tonight he finally made a half-way attempt at swaying over James.  It was weak at best.  If that was his game - it was not A game material

Scott’s boy Todd was over the top tonight with his nervous facial expressions.  Amanda was sitting cool, calm, and collected while Todd was freaking out over the power play.  I think Todd can be summed up nicely by taking a quick look at his CBS bio.  This is a quote: “He thinks the Spice Girls are the most significant historical event of the past 100 years and is unbelievably stoked that they are going on a reunion tour this winter.”  Need I say more.

Pei Wei, or whatever her name is, got lucky tonight.  I found it funny when Amanda told her to just shut up and not do anything.  It appears the professor followed those orders nicely.  I just wonder if she will be rewarded or stabbed in the back. I tend to think the latter.

Just when I didn’t think it was possible, it appears to me that Bone Rack lost some more weight.  That’s gross people.  She did lift and throw the Chinese throwing stars but I had my doubts.  I must admit, she would be a good one to take with you to the final 4 as no one would vote for her to win.  I would have bet big money a few weeks ago on her being gone by now.  I guess I was wrong.

We are getting down to it folks.  I’m not sure how many more episodes we will have, but it can’t be that many.  The jury is looking plump and rested and ready to deliberate and declare a winner.  My money at this point is on Amanda.  What say you?  Whatever happens, it’s worth playing for.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

Tongue boy is no more. He’s back flipped his way into the CBS hotel. I suppose Frosti was a good player - I really had no problems with him in general other than his name. I’m not sure what he saw in the bone rack - but to each his own I suppose. See you later Frosti - I’m sure the hotel lobby has a good stock of corn cob pipes and if you are lucky - maybe you can score some coal.

Speaking of the bone rack, is Courtney really still in this game? Did she do anything in the challenge? Does she ever? I suppose it’s about par for the course at this point. It just really makes me mad to see her do nothing and then enjoy the spoils. I’m also surprised she could actually wear the immunity idol - that thing weighs as much as she does. She ate twice tonight in case you were counting.

PG Pei Wei is really annoying to me. I think I may have mentioned that. Her little rant on James can’t be good for business. Hey professor - you missed a few class prerequisites. They cover that in Survivor kindergarten - don’t shout down the tribe leader in front of everyone.

Scott’s boy Todd is a good player - there I said it. Did you see him tonight - just watching? He listens more than he talks and when others reveal what they are thinking, he just takes it all in. That’s a good play. I like his approach - if he keeps the power from going to his head he’ll be OK.

I am having issues with Erik. He knows he’s a bottom feeder - but I don’t see him doing anything about it. Is he making any plays whatsoever? I’m not suggesting he hook up with Amanda (even though he could) or anything, but he could at least be trying to make some new alliances or at least exploit Amanda’s glances. He knows Pei-Wei is out as soon as she loses the necklace, so why not at least try - something - anything? Come on dude - I think you may be too nice for this game. You have to have a bit of “want to” in you - come on man!

Did you see JR when he entered the jury box? Bitter. The man is bitter.

So who is going to win? My money is on Amanda. I think she will outlast Todd. When it comes down to crunch time - Todd will lose it a bit. You can tell by watching him he is thinking about the game A LOT. Players like him tend to get paranoid towards the end - so I predict that Amanda’s cool head will prevail. Don’t get me wrong, James will be there - but not in the final 2.

Oh before I forget - I think I saw some marks on Denise. I’m not sure what they were, but I’m pretty sure they were cuts from the 10 foot pole. Man that woman is ugly. You really have to have guts to even try and pull off the mullet. Not that I have any experience with that. I’ve said too much - goodnight.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

Come on in guys. First things first - JR is gone. Don’t you love these mediocre players that claim once they’re voted off - “they must see me as a threat so that is why I’m gone”. It never fails. We hear the same theme every season and this is true with JR. JR is supposed to be a student of human behavior - you know the ability to see “tells” - but he had no clue James had both idols. I must admit I will miss ‘ol JR - he was good TV after all. When you have a grave digger making fun of the stupid poker player you know you’re onto something good.  That’s irony and irony works.  See you later JR - next time watch for the bluff.

(did I go overboard there? maybe I used 1 too many poker terms - was it too much? sorry about that)

I still can’t believe the bone rack is still in this game. After she sat in her little boat and wiped the water from her little eyes I thought surely she was going  down. I guess it doesn’t take much to balance 98 pounds. She may actually weigh less than that. My wife claims she must be missing major organs to weigh that. How much does a spleen weigh anyways? If she still had her liver, that barrel would have toppled - I just know it.

Scott’s boy Todd needs to reign it in a bit. The plane is not going down yet Todd - no need to grab the oxygen masks just yet. Listen to your brighter half Amanda and stick with the plan. Now you’re off the ranch - it’s about to break lose. You should have voted off freakin’ PG - now we will have to listen to her lecture about how well she knows this game and how her plan is coming together.  I don’t need that.

At our school it was dodge ball. We had this kid Joseph Hazlet that could really swing a half deflated red ball. He could raise a whelp on your leg with 1 fling. I was not picked last - kind of in the middle. That’s not a bad place to be. I was not a prize player but not a lunch lady either. I never needed therapy or anything so I’ve got that going for me.

You guys remember Leslie? Neither do I.

Frosti sticks out his tongue a lot. I think I have commented on this before - probably some Kiss reference. What brings this about? What clicks into the mind to say - “hey stick out your tongue - that would be cool”? I can see some hang loose gesture or even the bicep flex, but I don’t get the tongue thing. Also, where does Frosti’s alliance lie? I’m not sure who’s side he’s really on. That could be a good thing - the swing vote is not a bad place to be.

Well, it is late and that about does it. I told you not to believe the James hype - you thought it was going to happen there for a second didn’t you? That’s exactly what they want. Don’t fall for it folks.

For the rest of you I’ve got nothing for you so head on back to camp.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

Was that a great episode or what? There are so many things - where do we start?

First of all - if Jaime would spend less time bragging about how she’s not as dumb as she looks she may not come off looking like a total air head. That was some classic editing from the CBS producers. You have Jaime on tape deflecting the Jessica comparisons just in time to watch her play the fake idol to then have Probst toss it into the fire. Nice. Very nice. By far the best moment of the season to date. I wonder how many takes they had on that scene - or did Jeff nail it on the first toss? Here is my thought. If you have to spend half your life digging yourself out of a stereotype that you’re stupid, there’s probably some truth in it. In Jaime’s case - big time. You’re an idiot Jessica - ‘er I mean Jaime - face the music.

PG - Pei Wei or whatever her name is - is dead meat. You know her - the professor - self-proclaimed Survivor expert thinking 2 and 3 moves ahead? Now what doc? I’m just sorry you’ll be on the jury. That means I’ll have to endure you during the final episode and get your opinion on the game in the reunion show. I would rather you be a non-jury member so you only get like 10 seconds of air time as a courtesy. You know, the amount of time that say… Chicken will get. That’s what I would prefer.

James is cracking me up. He not only gets his dream come true with the “fake play” but he then tells JR to shut his trap in front of everyone. Great stuff. James’ stock is really rising. Don’t buy into those preview scenes of them talking about voting off our boy James. It’s called marketing. Look into it.

Now we get to Scott’s boy Todd. I really liked his comments tonight about Jaime being on the small bike in back trying to catch up. Don’t get me wrong - I like the humor and him wielding power from behind the scenes. This is also a warning - one can think too highly of themselves and it can go to ones head. We’ve seen this time and time again on Survivor. The way to win is to keep a calm approach and stick with the plan like say…Amanda. By the way, is Amanda hot? I think she may be.

The bone rack Courtney is still rolling her eyes. The JR tiff is getting a bit old for me. Vote one off already or get a new plot line. I think a script change may be in order here. Bring back the Salem Strangler or something.

Frosti shows his moves tonight as well. I don’t see a big future for him on Dances With the Stars.

Well, it is hard to believe we’re already to the merge. I think as soon they get rid of my boy Erik and PG&E - or whatever her name is - we can sit back and watch the carnage. I like the sound of that.

Remember, the game never ends.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

Man, has that girl got a tude or what? I’d had enough of her going all silent and then - WHAM - eruption. Sherea’s got one major nasty case of the bad attitude. I was glad to see her go. Her head bobbing and weaving had worn slick on me. I don’t remember my school teachers being like that. Hey - I hope they have large tops back at the CBS hotel - for goodness sakes cover yourself.

James could not throw it. As hard as he tried, he could not throw the challenge. Like I said in my last post - he’s old school Survivor. He now has some life left - with the help of Scott’s Boy Todd. That little weasel may prove to be a good player after all. I won’t go as far to say - good pick - but he has some potential.

Amanda is running the ship if you ask me. She may be letting Todd think that, but she had her mind up on who she was voting out and you will notice what they all did? Voted her way. Hot and powerful. Daddy like.

I am looking forward to the day when Pei-Wei or whatever her name is - goes to the house. The tribe has spoken - goodnight - that’s what I want to hear as Jeff snuffs out her freakin’ torch. She’s really getting on my nerves. I don’t often get someone under my skin like this - but she’s done it.

These hidden idols are getting tougher and tougher to claim. Now you have to pry the thing loose from the post to get at it. Yeah, try and do that in private. Frosti lucked himself into a prime seat just by being curious as to why a gay man had a pry bar. You see Todd prying something off and it’s bound to raise suspicion. And what about the size of that thing? It is not like you can hide that thing in your pants on your way to tribal. If you did, you would have some splaining to do.

You guys remember Chicken? Neither do I.

Way to go lunch lady Denise. I have been to a school cafeteria and seen what you serve there. You are saying you can’t get down a little chicken with some feathers on it? What about Salisbury Steak - can you get that down? Yeah, I thought so. So what’s up with not being able to get down a little chicken. Loser. Oh yeah - while I’m ranting on you - get a haircut.

I think Frosti has been to a Kiss concert or two in his day. I can also picture a Halloween costume ala Gene Simmons in his past. I went as Jimmy Carter one year. Yeah I had on overalls, peanuts in my pockets, and the mask with all teeth. I was quite the looker. Just a peak inside…just a peak.

Well, fire represents life so be careful out there.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

First of all - Thursday night high school football in my area completely threw my life out of control. Does that make me old - to have a routine so tight that a small wind topples the house of cards? If so, I am old. The rant is late - sue me.

My pick Aaron is out. Body blow. Wince. Such a small twist, yet with such a big impact. At least I made a pick. Not that I a bitter. Come on slackers - sound off.

After watching the episode, I spend the better part of an hour listening to my wife go off on why you don’t throw a challenge. Her opinion is that short of quiting the game, that has got to be the next worst thing one can do on this game. I am not sure where the game is going if we start this kind of play. The show is called Survivor and the idea is to Survive. Sure that means the outdoor and the elements and such, but the bigger picture is to survive the game - and be the last person standing. I get that - but is this the way?

This episode is the philosophy episode that comes around from time to time. I think there could be a college class on this by the way. Do you give away the truck to get further along in the game when you really need the truck? Do you throw a challenge to get further along in the game based on what you think will happen down the road? I think we can all agree - it’s a risk. I hope it does not pay off - throwing a challenge is wrong.

I could see the inner turmoil on the face of Erik. Everything in him was wanting to vote off his main squeeze for being a part of the plan without telling him. Yo Erik - she is playing you. The 40 year old virgin has a lot to learn about the ways of the woman. Wipe the drool from your chin and get your head in the game man!

Then you have James. James is a Survivor purist. Give him a flint to rub, a fire to start, and a challenge to win and he is happy. He is old school Survivor. Rudy Survivor if you will. The new style players are crap to him. He says, “You gonna throw a challenge? Vote my butt off.” I must admit, I like where his head’s at on that one. James is a simple man.

They think they are so smart making this move - Peih-Gee and Jamie - Peih-Gee the most. She sees herself as the new school Survivor player - thinking 3 or 4 moves ahead. I believe it was her that could not figure out that the switch was going to happen AT BOTH CAMPS. She thought that they were the ones getting 2 more players - she never saw the fact that they were losing 2 as well. Yeah, she is real smart. I want her gone. “It’s not about winning the battle, but about winning the war”. I would agree with the theory Professor, but winning by throwing a challenge is not a TACTIC I would employ.

How about Actress Jamie. At least if you are going to do it - do it in a way that is not so freakin’ obvious. I am really sour on those 2.

Does anyone else see that bone rack Courtney is still in this game? Need I say more on this? I also see that Jean-Robert is kicking in his long term plan of being lazy and then working to prove he has what it takes. Nice. His people skills are a bit rusty. They were all laughing at him - even the lunch lady was giving him the business.

My only hope is that Erik and James will figure out they need each other and kick it into gear.

Survivor China - on CBS

CBS Survivor blog -

Maybe it was the dancing around camp that rubbed people the wrong way. Maybe it was his over the top bossy nature. Maybe it was the way he talked down to people. I am not sure what it was - but Dave was crazy. To top it off - Dave was a hugger. It’s like 1,000 degrees out there with no showers - no hugs Dave. I wouldn’t even want a side hug - just don’t touch me already. All that was a big strange. He lists his occupation on the CBS website as a “former model”. That is really not a job Dave - that’s a former job. I think Dave suffers from an identity crisis. Check out the bio - he’s now a bartender but has previously worked in construction, advertising and as a model/actor, having lived in South Africa for an extended period of time. He attended one year of college at Moorpark Community College and one quarter at ITT studying computer drafting. That is quite a jump. From “hand me the styling brush” to “hand me a protractor”. Dave - I won’t miss you. I guess computer drafting does not involve protractors huh?

I was happy to see Courtney could lift the helmet during the Chinese warrior challenge. I mean, if that helmet does not go on she could lose an eye. I also saw her throws never made it past the other team’s line. Wow - big surprise there. At least her bones held up - being a bone rack and all.

Sherea held it back as long as she could - then she went off on Dave. Lazy doesn’t really work out well on Survivor. Yeah - let’s go with the “save my energy for the challenges” argument. Like no one’s ever tried that before. Kiss it goodbye Sherea - you’re a goner.

Todd has his eye on the idol - or is that “Scott’s Boy Todd”? For you new comers - that is an old joke from way back. We had this player in a former game named Rafe. Scott put all the marbles on him (back when we had the entry fee) - and we never let him live it down. So this year, it is Scott’s Boy Todd. I really had no real point on this section except to bring up Rafe. Yes, that was the same year we had Gary. Now he was a player. Did I mention he played for the Cowboys?

So far my picks are still looking strong. I must also comment that some of you did step up and take a stand on a favorite. I appreciate that. I did see a lot of copy-cat behavior from the posts - but I expected that. My picks were great.

Jean-Robert is a translator. Who knew? I really don’t see that coming into play during a vote. There won’t be any “wait - we can’t vote him off - he knows the language and who knows if we will get another visit from a local family”. No, I think Jean-Robert’s lazy poker player butt is a goner. He is good TV. Maybe he’ll yell at Courtney again and get slapped. One can hope.

Is Amanda hot? She may be. Just checking.

I think from a highlights standpoint - that is about it. I think Denise made up a word tonight, but I’m not sure. It was something about the food being better than her lunch line fare. Making up words on national TV is probably not good. Maybe that’s a common thing in the lunch line. A lot to think about - have a good night.

Survivor China - on CBS